Committing to the dance...

Yesterday my daughter had her final call of the day with her class. The teacher popped on a song for them all to dance and I could see as she was torn between wanting to dance and feeling self conscious. 

I watched as she started to dance, using her will to over her nerves but looking uncomfortable. 

Honestly, my heart kind of dropped for her and part of me wanted to run over and say “you don’t have to do it” and to save her from the discomfort. 

It was 5 minutes later she appeared to tell me how much she loved it and it was the best way to finish a Friday ever. Her whole energy had shifted. Out of the discomfort had come joy and pride.

And it got me thinking. Right to the beginning of my business journey. The parts where I felt like the child who was too self conscious to dance. 

I was still in the corporate world, recovering from shingles. I had an idea with a friend to run a workshop, it was going to be interviewing women who had started their own business and I was going to talk about some personal development things that I had learnt and applied and which had helped me. I didn’t have a business, I wasn’t a certified coach and frankly I felt like a total imposter. 

People had actually paid to come (which blew my mind at the time) and as I was about to leave I turned to my husband and said “I can’t do it, what if they think I am rubbish, what if they want their money back, what if I am not good enough, what if people laugh at me.”

And in his usual way he simply popped a kiss on my head, ushered me to the door and said “You’ve committed to it now so you better crack on.”

Sage advice indeed.

Because it is about commitment. And choosing. And deciding.

It’s about making the decision to feel uncomfortable and then dancing into it.

And that workshop?

I did feel uncomfortable, and nervous, and I was awake all night analysing what I had done well, what could have gone better, where I messed up. 

But then? 

Then I did it again.

And again

And again.

I got better. Slightly less uncomfortable. 

Then I started going incrementally bigger. 

Getting my first paid client 

Speaking to my first journalist 

Running my first program 

Writing my first column 

Teaching about building a business 

Owning my witchy gifts 

Speaking to 10, then 20, then 50, then 100, then thousands of people 

Each time working through the same emotions... will it work, will I be good enough, will I have it in me to deliver...

Because each time I am committing to something.

I am committing to becoming more visible which leaves room for more people to be triggered by my shining.

I am committing to allowing myself to be truly seen which leaves more room for people to get to know the true me.

I am committing to allowing myself to climb even higher which feels like I am susceptible to a greater fall.

I am committing to standing in my own power which feels unsafe, exposing and scary.

Part of us will always feel like that kid scared to be seen as she gets into the rhythm of her flow, of her dance, of being who he/she truly is in front of people. Of standing up and saying this is what I want and I am going to whole heartedly leap into getting it.

Despite the fears, the judgement, the discomfort. 

But on the other side is joy.

And pride.

And the feeling that you’ve really lived.

A feeling that all the discomfort was worth it.

A feeling of no regrets.

Because nothing brings us more alive than honouring what we truly want our lives to look like and then free falling into it. 

It’s exhilarating, exhausting, triggering, expansive and most of all rich in all the adventures life has to offer you.

It’s worth every beat you get to experience.