The energetics of growth……

How do you view growth?

How do you view the attainment of the things you desire?

How do you view creating a life where the extra-ordinary is possible?

For many of us, we have a complicated relationship with growth.

Growth from the wounded masculine means pushing harder, exhaustion, sacrifice, validation. We push for growth, we fight for it, we use it to prove our enoughness.

Then as we get it, we still feel like something is missing. We still feel less than.

And then all of a sudden growth starts to repel us. To be a cause of stress and fear and worry. We start to block it, fear it, judge it.

The thing with growth is that we avoid it because we want to avoid the pain that might come with it.

Yes we know we worry about failure, but we worry about success too.

We are worried about the pain of ...

Being judged, ridiculed, feeling unsafe, it being too much, someone taking it away, being visible, being abandoned, being too lucky, the thoughts of “why me".

So what do we do.

We shy away from our dreams, our desires. We sabotage. We try and block the disappointment of not having it.

We shrink ourselves smaller and our dreams smaller.

This is how I view growth.

I see it as scary. I have very real fears that it is unsafe. That people won’t like me. That I will become too much.

Inherently though I am scared of my own power.

I am scared of the way it feels in my body. That when I commit to growth I have to be able to hold the frequency of both my fears and also the size of my dreams.

Quite honestly, sometimes it feels so much safer to shrink back or to fall into the old paradigm that growth has to be earnt. It’s got to feel hard and gritty and raw.

What I’ve been working with over the last few months is a different type of energy, a different paradigm that I am buying into.

How much I grow doesn’t dictate my enoughness.

Blocking myself from growth doesn’t stop me from being hurt or feeling sad or having problems.

But rather this.

My soul has come here to do big work. The scope of this is currently unfathomable to me but I can feel it.

I know I am an energetic match for a certain amount of power, money, success, impact and growth.

Me in my humanness has no idea what that is and when she tries…she caps it.

Instead I have decided this.

What is divinely meant for me, will make its way to me.

I trust myself to show up for the growth I am shown.

I trust myself to be able to hold the discomfort and the power in my body as the big leaps in growth normalise for me.

I trust that I am being guided and my job is to let it all in - at whatever speed it wants to flow to me.

I trust that because I desire the extraordinary. I get the extraordinary.

What I desire will be different from what you desire.

What growth means to me will be different than what it means for you.

But this is something to play with.

Those desires, even those ‘seemingly’ ridiculous desires are meant for you. They are yours.

You are capable of holding the discomfort and fears that arise as you step into your power.

By practicing holding the frequency of receiving more in your body, eventually you calibrate to that next level.

And growth is a living, breathing thing.

It’s an alive energy.

It feeds off how you speak. You think. You feel.

It is having a relationship with your environment. What you listen to, what you read, who you hang out with.

Growth can be fed and nurtured or denied and shrunk.

But it is there for you.

When you show up for it.

When you decide it.

It is yours.

Always was. Always is.