Are you having difficulties with a relationship around you?

It’s no surprise given the pressure of 2020 that so many people have been coming to me struggling with a relationship with someone close to them. 

So many people are finding this especially prevalent in relationships with partners, family, parents and friends.

Tempers are flared, we are irritable, reserves are low and the frequent monotony of day to day life has been getting so many down. 

But if goes deeper than that.

We are being triggered more frequently.

⭐ By those who have opposing views to us.

⭐ By those who are in fear or for others seeming ignorance.

⭐ By those with agendas.

⭐ By those who are taking out their stress on us.

⭐ By those who think so differently from us. 

⭐ By those who cross boundaries.

⭐ By those who suggest we aren’t enough.

⭐ By those who say hurtful things.

⭐ By those who cut us out of their lives.

⭐ By those who seem to want so much but give so little in return. 

So what do we do?

It’s so easy to look at the other person and point fingers. To come up with a million reasons why they are wrong. To dwell, to analyse, to create damaging stories and scenarios where we replay these things out and add a narrative about all the ways we’ve been hard done to.

But there is something more powerful that you can turn to.

You can see triggers as an opportunity to heal parts of you.

This is not about taking shit. I am very much of the mantra, do no harm - take no shit.

But what if we looked at people who trigger us as a mirror to what we need to look at in ourselves.

These are some of the questions that have most helped me when I come up against this. Try journalling to any or all that resonate with you. 

⭐ What am I worried about being judged for? Do I secretly judge myself for that?

⭐ Why does my ego feel the need to be right here? 

⭐ Where is this showing me my boundaries are poor or I over please? Is it time to re-establish good boundaries? 

⭐ How can I have love for this person in this moment? Can I recognise that they are acting from their fears or insecurities?

⭐ What if I believed I was enough. How would I chose to react here?

⭐ Where has this person become a different energetic match for me? 

⭐ Rather than choosing to analyse or understand them, what if I just had compassion for them?

⭐ How has this shown me the way I want to be treated?

⭐ Are there any patterns I am seeing in the behaviour of those triggering me? Is there a theme? 

⭐ If I looked at this differently, what is this trying to tell me?

⭐ What is my soul telling me it’s time to walk away from and towards instead? 

The beauty of this is that if you alter your perception of yourself, then you alter how you react to others, to situations.

I believe these things get sent to us as lessons and from my experience it can be so powerful when we flip the focus from them to us.

For those who needed this, I hope it helped. 

With love,
Caroline x