A vulnerable share....

Every so often there is something massive I find in my subconscious that has been buried and running the show.

It usually starts for me as a niggle that something is trying to come up.

I feel restless, I go to get out my journal and I find a million things to distract me instead.

I sense that I am being called to look at something and to go very quiet and still.

My ego never wants me to do this but I know that commitment to my growth and soul's evolution requires a commitment to 'the work'.

This means I will sit with uncomfortable emotions, observe my thoughts and constantly keep challenging the way I look at things. I will make myself sit down and be with whatever wants to be shown until I find it.

A few days ago I found a deep seated belief that I had no idea, until now, was there.

And it was a big one.

After 3 hours of journalling and applying all the deep excavation work I know how to do, it came rearing up at me.

My belief.....

It was not safe for men to love me. That by doing so I caused them problems.

Now this belief was picked up as a child and through various past life experiences I have uncovered. Looking at my childhood experiences it now makes sense to me why I had that belief.

I can now see how it was showing up with the dynamics I have had with men I have loved and do love in my life.

A default to constantly prove that is it safe to love me meant a tendency to over give and over nurture.

When I went deeper I also found that this relationship around romantic love is echoed in my relationship with money.

I feel I need to over give to money when it comes into my life, that I need to show it that it is safe to be there for me. That I need to prove that it was right to come to me.

Within 2 hours of noticing this belief my right hip gave way and I couldn't walk properly for 2 days. My masculine side was releasing the stored energy from deep within me.

Since I have physically, emotionally and mentally released this belief many, many things have changed in my external reality.

More peace, more joy, more being present and more love and money coming from everywhere.