The funny thing about change….
Change is a funny one, it sorts of creeps upon you and then when you look back you marvel at how all the little steps you have taken have contributed to your life looking so different.
As we head in to a reflective, emotionally charged time in Scorpio season and before the New Moon tonight I have been reflecting on what I feel intuitively called to write to you about.
For me it is reflecting on how much I have changed and in many ways the way my life has changed in the last three years.
When I look back at myself three years I see a very different version of myself.
Three years ago I was working in a management consultancy and a slave to my limiting stories. I believed I was stuck there and that I would never have the confidence or bank balance of many people I worked with. I thought most people were better than me and I was incredibly hard on myself. Of course at the time I didn’t realise that was what it was, I could only focus on the way my behaviour was playing out. Now I know that behaviour was simply a mirror for how we view ourselves but more on that later.
So I was behaving, well I guess oddly. I was always on… I literally couldn’t sit still. I thought that having a tidy house was so important that it should take priority over me having some down time. I had 8 back to back weekends of people staying. I was still breast feeding my little one and then saying yes to work which kept me up until 10 p.m. with no extra pay or really any recognition. The irony is not lost on me that I was not recognising myself.
I had all these dreams about owning a business, moving to a big family home, being able to pick up my kids and (dare I confess) about changing the world but it all seemed so far removed from my own reality.
Fast forward 3 years and my external world is different [I have the successful business, the house move time is here, the bank account is abundant, I pick my kids up at 3 p.m.] but most importantly I am VERY different on the inside.
Because that is where all change starts. You change on the inside and them your external world changes too.
So how am I different and what have I learnt that you can benefit from?
I am so much kinder to myself…. I speak to myself nicely. I think I am great. And not in an ego way but I recognise the talents I have been given and the amazing changes I get from my clients. Note: I am sitting here laughing there is NO WAY I would write “I am great” let alone in something going out to thousands of people
I have much better boundaries. I do no harm but take no shit. I used to worry about triggering people or people thinking I’ve got too big for my boots. I used to put peoples needs before my own. Now I don’t care anywhere near as much, if I trigger people I know it is about them and not me. I’ve learnt to say no. I will take personal responsibility for me but not for everyone else.
I give and receive. I rarely asked for favours before and if someone helped me I would feel I needed to pay it back 10 fold. Now I receive and enjoy the act of that.
I made friends with money, we fell in love again. It used to be a strange relationship of her showing up for me but me always being slightly critical and unpredictable with her. Now I speak to her, appreciate her, have a relationship with her
I’ve changed my environment - I watch very carefully what I read, listen to, who I hang out with. I used to spend hours scaring myself with online stories about the world - now I protect my inner world .
I stopped blaming everyone else and looked at things going wrong as opportunities.
I made a commitment to my personal growth. I read daily, I meditate, I do my affirmations, I journal. I have a business coach, spiritual medium, reiki teacher, crystal healer, kundalini yoga teacher. I emerse myself in it
I have reconnected to me, my soul and the universe and I am having a constant dialogue with them at all times
I am confident. I stand up in front of big groups of people , appear at Red Smart Women’s week, go on podcasts, work with big names and I have total belief in what I do and how lucky they are to work with me.
My energy has changed. I feel powerful, alive, proud and expansive. I know that the work I do on myself has changed me and will continue to do so
I no longer hold myself back, I unapologetically and joyfully go for it! No matter how scary it feels!
But of course like all things we are never the finished article, we never stop evolving. So it is also a time for me to reflect on what I still need to work on….
To celebrate myself more - I gloss over my achievements and don’t always take stock. This year has been epic for me and I am going to sit down and write about it, celebrate it and the mark the occasion
To not always be on - my default when I am scaling my business is to work harder, try harder, be harder on myself. This is a constant conditioned state that I am still working on
To take the pressure off. To allow myself to be, to trust, to realise that the universe always has my back and that I don’t need to put these expectations on myself or think I have to do this alone…
So where will you start with your changes as we enter a new time in our lives. A time of emotion, reflection and hope.
What small changes will you make to your inner world to get the external changes we so often crave?
Whatever you choose, know that I will be rooting for you.